funeral plans

PLANS

OFFERS

Option 1*.
Our most popular option, be buried at the same time as your deceased love one up to 10 years after their own death. By renting one of our discount long lease freezer units at only £120 per year, their body will be kept relatively fresh until your own death, at which time they will be defrosted, you can then benefit from a double burial or cremation for the price of one!
If you would prefer to keep the body at home in the shed for example, we can supply fluid resistant body bags with a slow release valve for decomposition gases, at only £49 these bags are a good value option. You will require form B.H.R. "Body at Home Request" available from your local Police station.

Option 2*.
Our least popular option, during the grief period after a loved ones death if you were to commit suicide before their burial date you will qualify for our double burial option.

Option 3.
Any women found to have been pregnant at death will automatically qualify for a two for one deal, in fact if there are multiple fetuses the deal becomes even better value as we will not charge extra, a truly great offer to take advantage of.
For those women unfortunate enough to die whilst giving birth, it's quite common practice for the baby to be dealt with separately, because of this they will not qualify for our two for one offer, sorry.

*These deals do not include the price of a second coffin, no matter how cheap.

PRICES

CREMATION	EASY PAYMENT OPTIONS	BURIAL
£400'ish		£500'ish

Many people on low incomes will be entitled to a Bereavement Payment of £2000 from the government (unless your old), if you're lucky enough to qualify for this lump sum, let us know, we can give you a special receipt so that we can split the money, you will be able to fund the whole budget funeral and get a few quid spare in your pocket for some new shoes.

DISCOUNT

Pay for your budget funeral in full in advance and benefit from a 10% discount, we really are the Church that cares, pop in today and meet our friendly funeral care team with your money, prices start at only £500'ish + £150 bereavement tax, maybe a touch more after some haggling on our part.
It's nice for us to get guaranteed money up front, especially around Christmas, we look forward to meeting you and getting some budget funerals sorted.

Tenpasenta Church, putting customers first.

PAYMENT

We understand the shock that losing a major wage earner can bring an already impoverished family, that's why we allow you to make 2 easy payments within 30 days of the funeral taking place, a bit like those QVC specials on the telly, however unlike those QVC specials on the telly non-payment will not be in the form of a snotty red letter through the post, but a guaranteed home visit from Knuckles Collyer and his debt collections team.
His Collections team does not take money for your unpaid bills, but in the form of creating more business for ourselves. If the debtor had a small family and had failed to make the payments, they can look forward to having an even smaller family after our visit, they will be billed for their additional funeral "service".
Waste our time, and we waste you!™

£400'ish

£500'ish