Budget Funerals
For The Impoverished or Generally Tightfisted

 
 

Essentials for those still living

 
Tenpasenta Church home
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  • Making life's final journey cheaper than other people's •

BUDGET BOOKS OF REMEMBRANCE

Tenpasenta
Basic Book of Remembrance

Basic edition.
Available from only £10.75* per year.

Deluxe edition.
Bold Entry +1 Line from only £100 per year.

Ex-directory.
Available for only £175 forever, paid to us.

*monthly BT line rental. You will need to renew yearly to maintain your name.

Book of remembrance (budget)
Basic Deluxe (ending 2020)
   
   
This site is not suitable for churchy types
  Tenpasenta Church

FUNERAL MUSIC

Tenpasenta
funeral music
Below are just some of the favourite songs played at our funerals, ideal for embedding into your page of remembrance too.
This is the kind of dire selection of songs that our staff have to cue up on a daily basis in an effort to raise an emotional response amongst the bereaved.
Pumping Nilsson   Johnny cash  
Harry Nilsson Johnny Cash Pumping
Rather be dead Ring of fire  
Pumping Billy   trammps  
Billy Bragg The Tramps Pumping
Goodbye Goodbye Disco Inferno  
Pumping Guns   Doors  
Guns N' Roses The Doors Pumping
I Used To Love Her Light my Fire  
Pumping led   box  
Led Zeppelin Living in a box Pumping
Stairway to Heaven Living in a box  
Pumping jam   countdown  
The Jam Channel 4 Pumping
Going underground Countdown  
   
R.I.P.
   
  Tenpasenta Church

INTERNET REMEMBRANCE

Tenpasenta
E Memrance Get your death details or that of a loved one on a page just like this!


Only £7.99 per year!

LIVING WILL

Tenpasenta

*40% of bequeathed value payable to the
Tenpasenta Church 5 days after death.

Leave Money In Your Will
Being dead is a great opportunity for you to leave your money and belongings to the ones you leave behind, many customers still believe that death is not going to happen to them and don't bother making a will, if you too think you're eternal, think again!...unless you've signed up to the Tenpasenta guaranteed afterlife.

Tenpasenta Budget Funerals in association with Tenpasenta Afterlife, have launched a special living Will service only for our Budget customers, these wills are free of charge and guarantee that whatever little valuables you may have are distributed fairly and legally to your chosen recipients after we have taken 60% commission.
   
   
Donate
  Tenpasenta Church
PET PROBLEMS
Tenpasenta
Dog Quality pet rugs
Shit HappensThe death of a relative can leave more than just a funeral to arrange, it could leave their once loved pet homeless.
There are some charities that will take this awkward inheritance off your hands, but is this really what your dead relative would have wanted? These much loved pets were expected to be in your home, no questions asked, and with no cash left for years and years of their food this bequeathal could soon become a pain in the wallet.
We offer the ideal solution for you, their pet will be in your home as they wanted, but the expense of food and the trouble of walking a dog will be out the window!
In association with the Beijing animal rescue corporation (BARC), we can turn those unwanted pets into novelty foot mats, and at only £175 each it's a fantastic bargain, no longer attracting fleas, just moth.
No harm will come to the unwanted pet, just a very large dose of Sodium thiopental that will finish them off, the rest of the rug making process is painless.
Order now.
CARPET CLEANING
Tenpasenta
Body stains in carpet Body stain cleanng
Body Juice Soap Are you worried by smelly body stains in your carpet, bedding or on your kitchen lino? Worry no more with Vicar's Choice Body Juice Removal Soap!
This professional carpet cleaning solution has been developed by the scientists that brought you Shitlike stool fragrance as used by geriatric homes worldwide.
Not only will Vicar's Choice Body Juice Removal Soap leave your carpets cleaner than new, but the beautiful scent of flowers will replace the stench of death.CryptAdvisor
This amazing product is not available in the shops, buy yours today from our funeral shop in Woolston for only £14.99!
  As seen on BBC South Today  
Fleet
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1 star on Crypt Advisor Premium Funerals Tenpasenta Church Who made this crap?
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Publisher
Upfront Copyright M. Collyer

Disclaimer: All products and services promoted on this site are fictional, however feel free to donate money as I’m broke.