Budget Funerals
For The Impoverished or Generally Tightfisted

 
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Budget cremation options

 
Tenpasenta Church home
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  • Making life's final journey cheaper than other people's •

FUNERAL PYRES

Tenpasenta
pyres southampton All of our cremations take place daily at the far end of our car park from 11am-5pm.
We have space for 12 cremations at once, so bring some friends along and join the fun, soft drinks available. Why not wrap some potatoes in tin foil and add to the pyre for a great mid way snack.CryptAdvisor
The deceased can be cremated in a painted or natural Budget cardboard coffin box, any unpainted wooden coffin, naked or wrapped in a shroud of your choice. To be honest we feel it's a shame to burn a good quality cardboard coffin box as they could be put to better use at home, up in the loft or on top of the wardrobe as dust proof storage for your nicknacks.
We don't officially accept bodies for cremation from the boot of a car during daylight hours, ring for details about this service and the heavy costs involved.

We will supply enough wood for a three hour burn, extra wood is available for £15 per bundle, enough for a further 30 minutes, please don't bring any treated wood like fencing, this is not acceptable due to it's high smoke production. Swan Vesta kitchen matches are available at only £5 per box, feel free to bring your own combustibles, petrol can be added with caution, just watch your eyebrows, NO diesel.
The use of part worn tyres is strictly prohibited.
Pyre We adhere to Ganges municipal pyre building standards 1975.

NEW CREMATOR 2015

Tenpasenta
New creamtor We have recommissioned one of our indoor cremators for selected budget customers!
Apparently Southampton City Council are not impressed with our pyre cremation service, so to comply with by-laws we are shifting the majority of customers to our indoor service, we have to charge £150 extra for this to cover the use of gas, but you will get a free paper bag containing your loved ones remains!

It's expected that by February 2018 we will have recommissioned four of our old cremators, we are having trouble re-bricking the retorts, whatever that is, as our Ashes2bricks don't appear to be up to the job.
NEW DIRECT CREMATION
Tenpasenta
Cremation
Direct cremation:
Removal of deceased from a hospital mortuary or hospice.
Care of the deceased on a fridge shelf.
A simple cardboard coffin with name.
Conveyance to the crematorium in a van of our choice.
A funeral operative to trolley the coffin into the crematorium.
Our Crematorium fee
Doctors' fees for cremation certificates
Scattering of cremated remains into skip.
Only £500 or £1700 including disbursements.
Pay by Up Front for only £1650 guaranteed price.
Check out the video above for an example of our direct cremation service, we do not return remains to family, but you can have a box full if you like, £35 per kg

ASHES

Tenpasenta
Ashes can be spread by our resident grave digger Brian, he'll even be wearing a smart suit if you like, we only charge £15, and this is just to cover his hefty shoe cleaning bills.
Our spreading service is a very popular choice with those who worry about the ash blowing back onto themselves.
If you wished to keep the ashes for some morbid reason, we have a wide selection of Budget urns available from £10.
Because of the very large amount of ash left over from pyre cremations we suggest you pick out your own selection of the remains for us to spread or for you to keep. Remaining ashes are brushed into Southampton water at high tide, if you feel this sweeping option is agood idea for your loved ones remains, let us know, and we'll charge you £20 for the privilege of watching.
ashes Human ashes Ash spreading
 
   
This site is not suitable for churchy types
  Tenpasenta Church

SHROUD ONLY

Tenpasenta
Shroud Dad pyre
approvedThanks to finding some old stock, you can now buy our fabulous pure Nylon golden funeral shrouds. These hand boxed shrouds will give any Budget cremation a truly Premium look until burnt, and at only £55 these £10 items will also enhance the burning effect of the pyre by being highly flammable themselves, the box may just be big enough for your choice of the remaining ashes, becoming a splendid urn, a great two in one product.
To enhance that premium look, why not buy some cardboard cut-out flowers, we have a wide selection starting at only £15.99.
     
R.I.P.
   
  Tenpasenta Church

SHRUBBERY FACTS

Tenpasenta
We offer a "shrubbery" option where we can spread all of the cremated remains over a large area in our neighbours field, this is then allowed to become wild and overgrown.
This really is a beautiful way to lay your loved ones remains to rest and it doesn't cost a fortune.
As a side note we'd like to point out that some council crematoriums may say they will also spread the ashes in a shrubbery, which sounds nice, but in reality they often just bury bags full once a month in a common grave, so it pays you to pay us, at least you get honesty.
Human ashes in shrubbery
new Our new columbarium is now open! Take a look. columbarium image
 
   
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  Tenpasenta Church
REMAINS DISPOSAL
Tenpasenta
We kindly ask that patrons ensure that their loved one is fully cremated before going home.
There have been occasions when the corpse has been left in a partially cremated state, this is very annoying because it means we have to finish the job. You can expect to be billed the expense of petrol and wood, and we will go through the civil court process to reclaim these costs if necessary.
Cleaning up a partial cremation is not just a £250 fee, but we will jump about on the remains for a while and put the video on Youtube. Clean up your dead.
We are also concerned about news in the media concerning body parts being washed up on local beaches, the bereaved are respectfully reminded that they must ensure their loved one is fully consumed by the pyre before going home.
partially cremated state
METAL COMPONENTS
Tenpasenta
We would like to remind all of those using our funeral pyres that they should put all femoral components left after a loved ones cremation into the recycle bins provided and not thrown into the river Itchen. These parts can contain valuable metals which we like to have recycled for cash.
femoral components
SMOKE PROTECTION
Tenpasenta
face mask Respirators
One thing that many Budget cremation customers forget is the bloody awful clouds of stinking smoke produced by the funeral pyre (but to be honest this can smell quite like a nice summer barbecue once the fuel has burned off). We offer the very best protective equipment available for your nose and lungs.
Our entry level offering is one of those dust masks that Chinese people like to wear at the slightest sign of dust or swine flu, only £1.80 each
For the main stoker a military grade mask and visor is advisable, this will cost £25 rental for the day, additional filters are available from only £5.50 each.
Protecting your own clothes from the smoke is your own problem, we don't recommend mourners come in rented suits, they could lose their deposits.
BURNS VICTIM DISCOUNT
Tenpasenta
Burns victim
Burns Victim
Discount
Calculator
flames
We are pleased to offer victims of fires a discount on all cremations! The amount of discount will depend on how badly the loved one was consumed by fire, but can be as much as 80% for a fully consumed corpse.
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