Budget funerals coffin range

COFFINS

BOX

You don't need to splash out hundreds of pounds on a fake effect wood coffin, when for only £110 you can buy a Tenpasenta eco-friendly Cheap Cardboard Box. Available in two luxurious colours, brown and new white, they also come with the deceased's name hand written in permanent marker on the side, this may be only for legal reasons, but it does add a touch of class.
Please note that the Cheap Cardboard Box is only suitable for bodies up to 6'2'' in height, and certainly not for the overly obese. If misused these boxes will bend in the middle, giving your pallbearers the appearance of carpet delivery men.
The Cheap cardboard box is ideal for both burials and cremations.
A host genuine wood coffin cover comes FREE for the first half hour of the service, these are fairly good quality covers and give the impression that the funeral is not as cheap as it really is, after the free period there is a charge of £10 per hour, so get your photos taken quick and your carrying done fast.

PAINT

FROM ONLY £135!

Why not put your own unique stamp on your relative or friends cheap cardboard box.
From only £35 we offer a wide choice of automotive paint colours, Vauxhall RED, Ford BLUE, Renault BLACK, and Nissan GREEN.
This is a DIY process done by the bereaved, we supply enough spray paint for one coffin and application equipment plus a convenient indoor location. We advise a six hour drying time, painting your cardboard coffin will greatly enhance its inflammability, a handy tip for pyre cremations, but be warned the rapid exposure of the corpse can scare small children and the elderly.

INFANT

	We have a wide range of stylish infant and child coffins available, these budget coffins are the ideal choice for any family that has lost a young one but not lost their need to watch their finances. We sell many different sizes from our self storage sales office, prices start at only £20, but they can be obtained free if you sneak behind the local Spar mini-market. We suggest that you should line the coffin with a plastic bag before putting in that old towel or blanket, what a beautiful resting place for any tot, let alone a dead one. We can bury or cremate Budget children up to 12 years of age free of charge, which will bring some cheer at this tragic and costly time. Please remember that just like Premier infants, Budget ones also leave very few or no remains after cremation, maybe a surprise tooth, mainly because the bones may not be fully calcified but there is an answer*.

		*TIP: it's a good idea to chuck a few bones left over from a rack of ribs dinner into the pyre, you can then take these charred remains home to show your friends and family. Does not include cost of coffin or box.

SIZE

Coffin covers look great around a budget coffin box.

For those still insisting on the Cheap Cardboard Box but for a taller body, we suggest that you take advantage of our tailoring service, we can make height adjustments to meet your budget, this is done by cutting off the loved ones feet, legs or even head or we can cube the body, ideal for a suit case burial. Our friendly autopsy assistant Barry Collyer is more than happy to make the required anatomical modifications, he says that cutting limbs sure beats running guts in the sink, we'll take his word on that.
Ask about adjustments when booking your budget funeral.
Midgets can save on hearse costs by using the back seat of any standard saloon car.

Being too tall will ruin the look of your Budget funeral.

If the idea height adjustments is not up your street, why not select a specialist coffin from our Army Surplus range.
Sizes from 3'6"-8'6'' in length, these are available in “burial steel” or “burner timber” at a fairly budget price of only £200, they are very strong, in fact one shipment we received still had Russian WWII heavy artillery shells in them for some reason, which was nice as they made very nice Premium urns for war veterans..

	We have recently purchased a vast amount of Japanese coffins. These high quality coffins are of a slightly smaller size than the average European. With only a slight adjustment to what we call ventilation holes, these coffins will fit very tall and slim cadavers/loved ones. At only £350 we believe that these size friendly chipboard coffins could be the future of Budget funerals as we know it.

	We have yet to find an easy solution for big fat bastards, but we feel that the North American obese population could come up with that solution.

DIY

	Mail order self assembly coffin, only £250 We asked Brian to demonstrate.

DELIVERED

BUILT

TESTED