Budget Funerals
For The Impoverished or Generally Tightfisted

 
 

Budget coffins, The UK’s Top Coffin site!

 
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  • Making life's final journey cheaper than other people's •

CARDBOARD COFFINS

Tenpasenta
Budget funerals
Bury
Cremate
SEa burial
Recycle
People are dying to get into our cardboard coffins.
  Budget cardboard coffin Cremfilm
Bereavement  Tax free
Why not pawn some of the deceased persons nicer items to finance our classic looking cardboard coffin.
Prices start at only £100 up to around £300 including 70 micron crem-film liner, which many people say is a lot of money for a box, they are constructed from 100% cardboard.
The natural brown finish looks very Eco friendly, which is a nice excuse to buy one, or you can self decorate to give whatever finish you like.
Rope or plastic handles are for decoration only at £30 extra per set.
Not suitable for prolonged exposure to moisture, for example damp or rainy days, and not for keeping in our chapel fridge overnight. If the deceased was 14 stone or over a cardboard coffin will not be suitable, this highlights one of the financial advantages of dying from a wasting disease.
Although we like to believe our cardboard coffin is environmentally friendly this does not apply to fixtures and fittings including liners used for cremations, however what does environmentally friendly and biodegradable mean? We like to think it means after several thousand years of internment, and there is nobody about today available to double check this.
Budget coffin brass handles Budget cardboard coffin
 
   
Shit HappensUnion Jack
  Tenpasenta Church  

BOX TYPES

Tenpasenta
eco cheap Cardboard Coffin cardboard coffin
cardboard coffin lined cardboard coffin budget coffin cover
You don't need to splash out hundreds of pounds on a fake effect wood coffin, when for only £90 you can buy a Tenpasenta Eco-friendly Cheap Cardboard Box. Available in two luxurious shapes, Simple Box and from July 2014 Traditional Shape at no extra cost.
All of our cardboard box coffins come with the decease loved ones name hand written in permanent marker on the side or top, this may be only for legal reasons but it does add a touch of class.Traditional shape cardboard coffin
Why not get all mourners at the funeral to sign the coffin and leave dull messages, just like when a birthday card is handed around at work for somebody you don't know, but without the £1 donation. Guaranteed to make any coffin look a bloody mess before burial or cremation.
Please note that the Cheap Cardboard Box is only really suitable for bodies up to 6'2'' in height, and certainly not for the overly obese! If misused these boxes may bend in the middle giving the pallbearers the appearance of rug delivery men.
A host genuine wood coffin cover comes FREE for the first half hour of the service, these are fairly good quality covers and give the impression that the funeral is not as cheap as it really is, after the free period there is a charge of £10 per hour, so get your photos taken quick and your carrying done fast.

CHOICE OF CARDBOARD COFFINS

Tenpasenta
Wan Fook Hing Coffin
People are dying to get into our cardboard coffins.
All of our coffins are hand built by craftsmen by one of our sister companies in China, Wan Fook Hing Coffin has be producing quality coffins since 1985, we distribute worldwide but have found the Western market most profitable.
The Bargain Box £90 The Best Bargain Box £120
The Bargain Box £90 The Best Bargain Box £120
BuryCrematebio BuryCrematebio
The Bit Better Bargain Box £90 The Even Better Bargain Box £150
The Bit Better Bargain Box £90 The Even Better Bargain Box £150
BuryCrematebioNew BuryCrematebio
The Best Even Better Besy Bargain Box £250 The Total Ripoff Box £550
The Best Even Better Best Bargain Box £250 The Total Ripoff Box £650
BuryCrematebio BuryCrematebioNew
Where's Wally

To the untrained eye these quality Budget cardboard coffins may look identical, but it's a 30 minute funeral, not Where's Wally. Pretend it's jewellery and buy by price!


Bury
Cremate
SEa burial
Recycle
Bereavement tax included

All BT products include our inflated
60% Bereavement Tax.
THE BIOHAZARD COLLECTION
Tenpasenta
The Bio Hazard Box Bio Bag
The BioHazard£280 The BioBag £140
BuryCrematebio BuryCremateSEa burial
All prices include Bereavement TaxWhy not have a unique medical waste look? We offer the BioHazard print cardboard coffin in Red or Yellow. Or go for the BioHazard bag, great value at only £40!
     
R.I.P.
   
  Tenpasenta Church  

FREEZER COFFINS

Tenpasenta
With old freezers clogging up our scrap yards why not use one to clog up our graveyard? Prices start at only £100 for one of our basic unbranded chest models.
We have a selection of old Bosch and Smeg units available for the more choosy dead cheapskate starting at £200.
If you are having trouble funding your loved ones burial we can obtain a working freezer for you to keep them in at home until you've saved up enough money, this is a unique option in the funeral business and if you did choose this don't tell anybody else, I expect there is some law against it.
Freezer Coffin Test
fridge coffin

DUCT TAPE

Tenpasenta
If you're investing in a quality cardboard coffin why not invest in some quality coffin sealer too, DUCT TAPE.
We offer a unique duct taping sealing service, prevent those odious odours leaking out, seal and strengthen, why not encase the whole coffin in the tape colour of your choice. Duct tape is pretty tough stuff, as far as we know a fully encased cardboard coffin could last forever.
Prices start at £45
Duct Tape
Duct taped coffin
 
   
Donate
  Tenpasenta Church  
CUSTOM PAINTED COFFINS
Tenpasenta
Paint your coffin After seeing some of the beautifully printed cardboard coffins available these days we felt that our budget customers may feel left out, so we let you design your very own creative coffin.
We now offer all of our cardboard coffin customers use of professional paint spraying equipment and a choice of popular coloured automotive paints so that they can customise their loved ones cardboard coffin.
Custom paintwork should be completed at least 24 hours before the funeral to allow drying before the body is placed in the coffin, our cheap cardboard does not stand up well to damp conditions and could lose its ability to withstand any weight or pressure put upon it. If poor weather is forecast for the funeral we recommend a thick layer of clear lacquer be applied for added protection.
It has been noted that painted coffins burn very rapidly, so if you are having a pyre cremation the box may burn within seconds exposing the loved one in a manner that could scare mourners shitless. POA.
INFANT COFFINS
Tenpasenta
Baby coffin Shit HappensWe have a wide range of stylish infant and child coffins, these budget coffins are the ideal choice for any family that has lost a young one but not lost the ability to watch their finances.
We sell many different sizes from our self storage sales office, prices start at only £20, but they can also be obtained free if you were to sneak behind the local Spar mini-market.
We suggest that the coffin be lined with a plastic bin bag before putting in that old towel or blanket, a beautiful resting place for any child, living or dead.
We can bury or cremate Budget children up to 12 years of age free of charge, which brings some cheer at this tragic time. Call for details.
Please remember that infants leave very few or no remains after cremation, maybe a surprise tooth, mainly because the bones will not be fully calcified but there is an answer*.Bereavement  Tax free

*ANSWER:
Chuck a few bones left over from a Chinese take-away spare ribs dinner into the pyre or with the corpse, you can then take these charred remains home to show your friends and family and keep as a keepsake.
TAILORING SERVICE
Tenpasenta
Body adjustment service For those still insisting on the Cheap Cardboard Box for a taller body, we suggest that you take advantage of our tailoring service.
We can make height adjustments to meet your budget, this is done by cutting off the loved ones feet, legs or even head or we could cube the body, ideal for a suit case burial. Our friendly autopsy assistant Barry Collyer and his team are more than happy to make the required anatomical modifications, he says that cutting limbs sure beats running guts in the sink, we'll take his word on that.
Ask about length adjustments when booking your budget funeral.
We cannot guarantee our coffins will carry more than 14 stone, so heavier corpses may require 2 coffins, you have been warned..
MEXICAN COFFIN
Tenpasenta
The Mexicano The Mexican
The Mexicano £140 Mexican Cement Extra £15
burysea  
We have taken tips from our friends in Mexico and are proud to introduce their budget coffin range into ours from 2014.
Only £140.
Cement preservative is an optional extra only £15 per sack.
Ask about our Metal version The Oil Drum.

Benefit from our mixed pack in the event of a family tragedy with a set of 4 to 7 Mexican coffins, only £600!
Family pack
Mexican Memorial Bench  
The Infant Memorial Seat   The Family Selection burysea
SICILIAN COFFIN
Tenpasenta
Why not have your loved one sleep with the fishes thanks to our Sicilian inspired cement shoes.
This burial at sea in the Solent will require boat hire and a couple of strong men to handle the body off from the deck.
If your loved one is still living during the internment we will require a cash advance of a £2500 non-refundable deposit so that we can arrange an after dark departure from our boat yard, this is on top of our standard £1200 fee.
Bring along your fishing rods for a free hour of sea fishing, £40 per extra hour required, free packed lunch with every third hour booked!
cement shoes
sea The Cement Shoes standard Bereavement Tax
JAPANESE COFFINS
Tenpasenta
Japanese coffin We recently purchased a vast amount of Japanese coffins as part of our deal with Matsushitty drive through chapels Corporation Japan. These high quality coffins are of a slightly smaller size than the average European ones.
new
By a simple modification we like to call "ventilation holes", these coffins will now fit very slim tall loved ones of either gender.

At only £650 we believe that these size friendly Jap coffins could be the future of Budget funerals as we know it, especially for tall people. This is truly a quality coffin at a budget price, the holes are pre-drilled before being shipped to us, so any ideas of buying quality coffin on the cheap for small people has been thought of.
We have yet to find an easy solution for big fat bastards, but we're sure that North America will come up with an idea soon thanks to their obese population quickly filling their graveyards. UPDATE: we now have XXL coffins available.
buryburn standard Bereavement Tax
EXTRA EXTRA LARGE COFFIN
Tenpasenta
It's a fact of modern life that many people are morbidly overweight, but there are many that are even bigger than this, unfortunately many of these big fat oafs die whilst still bleeding huge instead of waiting until they've slimmed down to fit into a reasonably sized coffin, this used to mean constructing very expensive bespoke coffins, but with so many big dead coming into our funeral shop daily we have introduced a new off the shelf XXL model.
Our beautiful new coffin is constructed from pine planks sourced from Sweden's premier timber yards, it is pre-fitted with a standard pallet sourced from our local Spar making it easier to handle by our elderly pall bearers.
Due to the many hours of research we have put into this product we have decided to call this the Big Fact Hunt, and is compatible with our pyres and for an extra fee our new jumbo sized Fat Furnace cremation unit.
Slob Coffin
The Slob £1,999-£3,999
BuryCremateNew
     
R.I.P.
   
  Tenpasenta Church  
DIY COFFIN
Tenpasenta
Mail order self assembly coffin,
only £250 + P&P
instructions
Next Day Delivery
DIY coffin
METHOD
Tenpasenta
We asked Vicar Brian to demonstrate.
Vicar delivered
built   tested
     
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