Budget Funerals
For The Impoverished or Generally Tightfisted

 
 

Chapel Of Rest

 
Tenpasenta Church home
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  • Making life's final journey cheaper than other people's •  

CHAPEL WAITING ROOM

Tenpasenta
Budget  chapel of rest public waiting room As many will be aware our Budget Chapel of rest and viewing areas was opened in 1986 by the then great Jimmy Savile O.B.E., since his fall from grace we have obviously removed the opening plaque from the entrance way, however not to look a gift horse in the mouth Mark the Vicar has kept any cash donations he made and gifts, one of which is the Jim'll Fix It magic chair which now takes pride of place in our visitors waiting area (mortuary room 5) for use by the public.
It's long been recognised by the Tenpasenta Church that viewing a deceased loved one can aid the grieving process and being a customer on a budget shouldn't mean we limit your access to see the deceased at such an important time.

VIEWING AREAS

Tenpasenta
Budget van at chapel of rest
Our Budget chapel of rest viewing areas have been designed around an existing old mortuary facility on the site, this inspired new use has breathed life into this once run down building.
We operate a unique self service system, each drawer and body is clearly labelled with the deceased loved ones reference number and name. You will be advised of your loved ones allocated number by e-mail or 2nd class post.
We do not advise anyone to open a drawer based on surname alone, unless it's fairly unique, as kissing the wrong corpse with the right name could prove embarrassing, poor old Mrs Smith the other week, LOL.
Body transfer kitIf you were to require assistance in the chapel of rest, our gardener's shed is nearby, go ask him, if he is not there or is unable or unwilling to help, just work it out yourself, it's not rocket science.
Open to the general public almost daily.
Please photograph only your own dead family member/members, we have been getting complaints of cadavers in our care whose photo's have been posted on Facebook and Friends Reunited as a joke. We get the joke but we don't get any royalties, your attention is appreciated, thank you.
Budget funeral fridge
Chapel fridge Mark the vicar
 
   
Shit HappensUnion Jack
  Tenpasenta Church  

DELUXE VIEWING ROOM

Tenpasenta
To meet strong public demand we have fully restored our beautiful viewing room.
By viewing your loved one via a window you will benefit by not having to smell a cheaply embalmed body.
As with 90% of our budget funeral service this is a self service option, one of your family will need to volunteer to move the body here, or you could ask a member of staff but we will charge £25 for this.
Please use the hand gel provided after each time you touch the body, this not only protects you from unwanted infections but helps make the air smell nice. Our cleaning lady tidies up once a week on a Thursday, so between these times can you help by not crapping up the place.
Viewing room

DELUXE BAGGING AREA

Tenpasenta
Our dedicated staff maybe on hand to advise you on how to bag up your own dearly departed loved one had you decided to do it yourself.
You will be invited to use our bagging area which is fully equipped with everything you'll need to prepare the cadaver for that final resting place or fiery pyre oblivion.
Remember if you're not sure that the person you are bagging is the correct one do not continue, we're getting fed up with digging up bodies buried in error by slack relatives or representatives, as for de-cremating people...well that's a secret we'll take to our grave.
Prep room

DELUXE RESTING AREA

Tenpasenta

Due to popular demand we have introduced a deluxe budget refrigerated resting room for the deceased.
For only £150 extra cash you can have your loved one wheeled into our large refrigerated room for up to 48 hours (depending on available space).
This service includes bagging up your loved ones belongings* and actually returning them to you.

 

*This service is not available to ripe smelling bodies which must be placed in the allocated stinker fridge for that day, this will be clearly signposted and probably near a temporary fan.

Deluxr rest
     
R.I.P.
   
  Tenpasenta Church  

BULK AREAS

Tenpasenta
On busy weeks we like to use our overflow room, don't worry you can still come and visit your loved one and take a final photo together.
This is a mixed sex storage area, so if the thought of seeing dead peoples genitals may offend, we suggest you grow up.
We ask that children under five shouldn't visit the bulk viewing area, the sight of lots of dead people decomposing could put them off their chicken nuggets on the trip home.
Please don't post photos of your departed relative on their Facebook page, unless you add the fact it was taken at "Budget Funeral's".
Those who like looking for racist angles on websites, will notice that most people of colour don't use our budget funeral service, that's because they may have higher morals
Body fridge, budget
Cool
 
   
Donate
  Tenpasenta Church  
JAUNDICED SOLUTION
Tenpasenta
jaundiced It's a common fact that many bodies we receive are severely jaundiced, some make bananas look pale.
We have access to the finest budget body colouring solutions. Before your viewing we can colour up your dead relative for only £40.
However if you wanted them kept looking jaundiced we cant blame you, as it makes an interesting talking point during and after the funeral.
Bisto
MAKEUP
Tenpasenta
Dead person made up for viewing Want
We now offer a budget makeover for your loved one, essential prior to a viewing.
Prices start at just £10.50. Why not book in for a makeover prior to a wedding or party?
makeup
NATURAL WAITING
Tenpasenta
Funeral waiting room

At Tenpasenta Budget Funerals we pride ourselves on being at the forefront of funerary innovation, and our budget waiting area is admired amongst our profession for its rather unusual customer friendly approach to storing the deceased.
While your loved one awaits the arrival of your chosen budget coffin, they are kept in one of our luxurious waiting rooms. Here they can enjoy their last hours before burial or cremation in surroundings befitting our budget customers.
This waiting room is not accessible to the general public so we have had no opinions as to how closely the decor reflects a typical Southampton council home. The location of our resting areas is a closely guarded secret as we don't want to scare our geriatric patients upstairs.CryptAdvisor
This is a unique service only for budget funeral customers, and has nothing to do with our reported lack of chilled storage.

Funeral waiting room Budget waiting area
     
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