Budget Funerals
For The Impoverished or Generally Tightfisted

 
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Budget burial

 
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  • Making life's final journey cheaper than other people's •  

BURIAL OPTIONS

Tenpasenta
Wotachytole graves Our Budget cemetery has been constructed to offer great value for money, and not just for us. At only £500 per loculus for a 10 year lease, you can't really go wrong.
Visitors have been seen walking around open mouthed (we guess at its beauty), kids love to peek into any small gaps that rarely appear, and pets are welcome dead or alive.
This Budget facility was opened in 1984 and named after the Aboriginal God of lethargy Wotachytole.
Many of the older chambers are becoming available on a daily basis. Newly built chambers can also be rented, however the views are not so pleasant from these.
Why not insist that you too join 75,000 others who have chosen the exclusive Wotachytole cemetery as their chosen place to rot in peace.
Quality graves Prefabricated graves
You can reserve your own interment chamber or guarantee a family area by just leaving a £45 non-refundable deposit on each chamber required, this deposit will secure your choice for one year, and can be renewed annually.
Our skilled craftsmen are adding new prefabricated vaults every night, but when we reach 100,000 units that will be the end of new construction on this very unique site.
Don't forget the green certificate from the registrar, or we're not going to be able to bury anyone, it would be a shame to miss out.
ONE YEAR DEALS100% satisfaction
Disinterment day Remember we now offer Ultra Budget burials for the really tight fisted. Just £150 buys one year's burial in the Wotachytole cemetery.
You will be asked to renew the burial contract before the first year is up, or collect your loved one on our annual Disinterment day held every August Bank holiday.
What you do with the body after Disinterment day collection is your business, but please don't leave your loved ones remains by our bins.
The chances are that the body may not be as decomposed as you'd expected, ignorance is no excuse to abandon your loved one's corpse on Disinterment day, and after all, you've had a year to do some research.
Uncollected bodies will be turned into poor quality fertiliser and sold to our local organic pig farmer, who does not followCryptAdvisor health departments guidelines as closely as he should.

BODY FARM

Tenpasenta
Southampton body farm You may have elected to donate the body for medical research, this could include forensic research at the Tenpasenta body farm.
These cadavers are located next to the Wotachytole cemetery behind a high fence, some decomposing bodies are visible through knot holes, as for the terrible smells, they'll have to get used to you.

This body farm is run by Southampton University and you should contact them for full details, we just rent them the field.CryptAdvisor
 
   
Shit HappensUnion Jack
  Tenpasenta Church  

MODERN SYSTEM SOON

Tenpasenta
burial chambers Progress on our new high rise burial chambers is going very well.
This facility is aimed at those not wishing to pay for a woodland burial, but are not prepared to be laid to rest in our Wotachytole above ground cemetery.
For a limited time we are taking advanced bookings only for Tenpasenta Afterlife plan holders, with a special introductory rate of only £1000 for a 30 year lease instead of the standard 25 years.
Our burial chambers are built over three levels:
Level G: is for heavy or large bodies*.
Level 1: is for normal sized bodies*.
Level 2: for small or elderly frail bodies*.
You can choose a top level 2 chamber for a large or heavy body, but you have to carry it up there yourself.
Check below for our range of facing "stones" from the Wickes kitchen range.
Open to the general public from mid-2014 or late 2016 or later.
*Weight and size including coffin.
It's only a quick walk from the cremation pyres, come and look.
Wickes kitchen range burial chambers
Worktop Gravestones Worktop Gravestones it's got our price on it.
To keep within your Budget we have teamed up with Wickes D.I.Y. to provide you with an exclusive opportunity to front your loved ones burial chamber at an affordable price.
We have worktops in our kitchen that date back to 2009, and the idea came to us of using Laminate Kitchen Worktops as chamber fronts which we expect to be just as durable as real stone at a fraction of the price.
Not tested. Grave trade discounts available.

RADIO CRYPT

Tenpasenta
crypt radio

Our state of the art crypts have easy access to their own radio room in the case of accidental burial when alive. Unfortunately due to being a budget state of the art crypt this poor unfortunate cheapskate chose and not one of our Premium crypts there was no electricity wired up.
Nobody was more surprised to find himself locked in to his grave than him, but we were quite surprised to find him sitting there when we popped in to retrieve a packet of cigarettes mistakenly left there.
It is very rare to be buried alive at Budget Funerals, maybe less than 10%, so choose your resting place carefully.

PUBLIC SERVICE ANOUNCEMENT:
May this be a warning, and if you have the cash spare use our Premium Funerals,
Thank you.

     
R.I.P.
   
  Tenpasenta Church  

BULK BURIAL

Tenpasenta
The ultra impoverished may be interested in our bulk grave system.
The dearly beloved will be stacked into one of our unique bulk grave vaults. Every month or two these delightful resting places are then put on a local container ship to sunnier climes.
Clients are advised however that our shipping contractor has agreed to our wishes that all bulk vaults are not securely fastened to the highest point on the outside of any chosen container ship. So far 156 bulk graves have unfortunately been lost at sea, with only 46 reaching landfall at our North Korean Soylent Green rendering plants. CryptAdvisor
Bulk grave
 
   
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HOME BURIAL
Tenpasenta
Many people are still unaware of the fact that you can bury a body in your own garden, a loophole used by many if not all Green/woodland burial sites.
The rules are:
1/ a lawful certificate of the cause of death, they must register their death with the Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages.
2/ a body comes within the definition of "clinical waste" and as such cannot be disposed of except under the provisions of the Control of Pollution Act 1974 and the Environment Protection Act 1990. Basically not within certain distances of water sources etc.
3/ you must own or have permission to use private land, it must also be added to the title deeds of the house, better to shock a prospective buyer in writing before they buy, than scare them shitless as they dig their new swimming pool.
That's it!
Of course digging a six foot deep hole could be a nuisance, especially for the bone idle or elderly. We offer a personal domestic grave digging service, if your garden has good access we can use one of our fleet of grave excavators, for only £150. If you require a hand dug grave this can be arranged for only £220 or so, depending on the soil, you really can't go wrong, you will even get the chance to meet Brian and find out why we can't stand him.
If you wish to erect a headstone however, you will require planning permission from the council, they like any excuse to get your money, terrible way to run a business in our opinion.
Coffin cover
Southampton council house Pet burial Dig your own grave
     
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