Bereavement support

BEREAVEMENT

SAD

As we all know, poor people mean nothing, they have no opinion worth listening to, are usually too ugly to display their photos in public, and as such we should celebrate their demise, in this time of global warming (do you believe in that?) poor people are just wasting the oxygen and polluting the world with comical sounding methane expulsion.
Goodbye and good riddance!

THOUGHTS

Funny how "I'm sorry" and "I apologise" mean the same thing, except when you say them at a funeral?

It's been six years since my grandad died and we're still paying for his funeral.
I knew he shouldn't have been buried him in that rental suit.

Our son has been given six months to live, and we're totally gutted.
One month less and we wouldn't need to waste all that money on a PlayStation 3 for his birthday.

These thoughts are for my Dad who has just died, he was a professional roofer.
So Dad, if you're up there...

I said to my wife, "When I die, I'd like to die having sex."
She said, "At least it'll be quick."

Yet another elderly member of my family died last week, I buried her in my local cemetery, that usually works.

Since my granddad died a few weeks ago, I hate to think of my grandma being left all alone in that great big big house.
So I think about something else.

I went to view my late mother yesterday, the funeral director told me that after being embalmed she looked just as she did when she was alive. How did he know?

POEM

ADVICE

Great things to say to the bereaved at the funeral.

	I Know Just How You Feel, My Dog Died When I was Six.
	Everything Happens For A Reason, Colon Cancer Is Just One Of Many.
	The life Support Machine Just Delayed Things.
	You Just Need To Move On, Do You Want To Go Clubbing This Friday?
	There Are Plenty More Fish In The Sea, And Most Of Them Are Better Looking.
	Get On With Your Life, Just Because They Took Their Own Is No Excuse.
	Things Will Get Better, Just Think Of The Life Insurance Money.
	They Are In A Better Place Now. Mind You, I wouldn't Want To Swap.
	Mummy, Is It True We Come From Dust And Return To Dust? Yes Son. Well You Better Look On Top Of My Wardrobe, Someone Is Either Coming Or Going.
	God Is Taking Care Of Them Now, Which Is Cheaper Than That Geriatric Home.
	They Were Just Tissue, Not Worth Worrying About Really, Lets Go For A Pint.
	Well It's A Great Opportunity To Bin All Their Old Crap.
	You Can Still Have More Children, Maybe A Fully White One This Time.