Budget Funerals
For The Impoverished or Generally Tightfisted

 
 

Budget bereavement support

 
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  • Making life's final journey cheaper than other people's •

BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT

Tenpasenta
As we all know, poor people (unlike celebrities and the wealthy) mean nothing, they have no opinion worth listening to, and are usually too ugly to display their photos inpublic, and as such we should all celebrate their demise.

Goodbye and good riddance to old rubbish!Shit Happens
vicar

CELEBRATE DEATH

Tenpasenta
celebrate Our new foam hand is designed to replace flowers, and at only £30.99 each they're a lot cheaper too!
We think it's nice to celebrate death and wish your loved one a peaceful eternity, or maybe even a guaranteed afterlife from our Over50plan.

Shit Happens
RIP foam hand

DOG & MASTER

Tenpasenta
Dog at owners grave It is with great sadness that we have to report the death of Trigger the dog.
Trigger has been in the news around the world because of his devotion to his dead owner, Trigger stayed at the grave of Albert Twigg for 5 years, come rain or shine Trigger could be seen in our Wotachytole cemetery laying by the grave.

Since his death we noticed that his owner had been buried while still holding his lead.

GRIEF CHART

Tenpasenta
Grief chart Too much grief looks silly
Here is our unique Grief Chart, work out just how much grief you should be showing at the funeral based on the age of the deceased.
Added grief for a persons fame or amount of money they had should be added at your own discretion.
 
     
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  Tenpasenta Church
WE TAKE AWAY YOUR GRIEF
Tenpasenta
Budget funerals collections van
We'll take your grief away in a the back of a van.
   
R.I.P.
     
  Tenpasenta Church
THINGS OVERHEARD
Tenpasenta
Things overheard at a funeral bereaved

It's been six years since my Grandad died and we're still paying for his funeral. I knew he shouldn't have been buried in that rental suit.

Our son was given just six months to live, we were absolutely gutted, had it been month less we wouldn't have wasted money on that bloody Play Station for his birthday.

"Knock Knock"
"Who's there?"
"The undertaker...............It's a good job I checked"

I said to my wife that I'd like to die having sex, she said "at least it'll be quick."

Another member of my family died last week. I buried her in my local cemetery, I've found that usually works.

My granddad died a few weeks ago and I hate to think of my poor grandma all alone in that great big house.
So I think about something else.

Peter drowned, we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt, it's what he would have wanted.

He will be missed by all. Except it appears by the driver of that bus.

My Uncle was the inventor of the speedboat engines, he's being buried today followed by a wake.

I went against my husbands wishes and had him cremated, he'd always told me that he liked to be buried between my legs, I'm not having that.
The inventor of the hivis jacket has died. Please respect his final wish and all show up at the funeral.
 
     
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BEREAVEMENT ADVICE
Tenpasenta
Mark Collyer

I know just how you feel about your fathers death, my Gerbil died when I was six.

Everything happens for a reason, unfortunately his rectum cancer beat the others to it.

That life support machine she was on over the last 55 years just delayed things.

There are plenty more fish in the sea love, and most of them are a lot better looking.

Get on with your life, just because he took his own because of your incessant nagging is no reason to feel guilty.

Things will get better, just think of all that life Insurance money, happy days!

They are in a better place now, mind you I wouldn't want to swap.

Mummy, is it true what the vicar said, that we come from dust and return to dust?
Yes son, that's very true.
Well you better look on top of my wardrobe Mummy, I think someone Is either coming or going.

God Is taking care of them now, which Is a lot cheaper than that damn geriatric care home your father put her in.

Remember that basically they were just tissue, not worth worrying about really, lets go to the pub.

Well, this is a great opportunity to bin all their old crap.

You can still have more children Kylie, maybe some fully white ones this time?

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